Login: Not a member? Register free!

Relationships ARTICLES

Love or Lust?

21st September 2008

Most of us have experienced it at one time or another in a new relationship - a surge of butterflies and a dizzy feeling of panic. But when is it love and when is it lust? Some people believe that you always know when you’re in love, but psychologists now claim that true love is an emotion that grows and takes time to develop. It’s essential to know the real thing from any substitute, as this could mean the difference between happiness and heartache. Ask yourself the following questions and then see how you feel.

1. Was it sudden? Attraction or infatuation can be instant, but nobody can discover enough about the other person to really love them in such a short period of time. Love at first sight does happen, but it’s not really falling in love. It’s more to do with the person matching up to certain ideal images we hold of the opposite sex.

2. Is your loved one as near to perfect as anyone can possibly be? If you are blind to the faults that everyone else can see, the chances are that it’s not love. Infatuation is normally blind, whereas true love never glosses over another person’s faults in this way. Real love accepts and understands the other’s faults and loves them despite or even because of their shortcomings.

3. Are you being kinder to other people and feeling more positive about the world? Do you seem to appreciate nature, colour and beauty more than usual? Do you feel like singing and dancing all day? These are excellent signs of the real thing.

4. Are you fiercely jealous and possessive? Be careful! It is perfectly normal to experience some degree of mild jealousy, but extreme jealousy over everything that your partner does, is not a sign of true love. Jealousy is rather a sign of immaturity, insecurity and the need to possess somebody rather than love them.

5. Is it delightfully dreamy or deeply practical? Dreamy infatuation lives up in the clouds, but true love is a lot more down to earth. You may feel like you can fly, but your feet remain firmly planted on the ground. If you and your partner are particularly practical about everything, it may well be the real thing, but if it’s castles in the air, then no.

6. Are your emotions running wild? Do you get upset more than you used to, feel unsettled or restless and are not always comfortable when you are together, then take it as a warning sign that it may not be real. True love is one of the most comforting and settling things in the world and should leave you feeling safe and secure, not stressed or scared.

7. Do you feel the urge to talk to your friends about your new girlfriend or boyfriend? If you brag to your friends, show them intimate letters, texts or presents from your lover or constantly ask them for advice, then chances are it’s not true love. When you fall in love and I mean really fall in love, you will want to keep every little detail private and won’t want outsiders to meddle in your magical moments in any way.